IELTS ACADEMIC Sample
It is important for children to learn difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
ACADEMIC | CUSTOM
The learning of what is right and wrong is indeed important in the developing stages of children especially at an early age. This early learning scenario helps in better understanding of situation and the way he/she must act. There are various methods to development this attitude and must be appropriate considering the age of children. I am totally against the idea of punishments as they cultivate a sense of negativity in the brain of children.
To start with, the punishments can have a wrong result which might develop a resistive nature in children. My say in this topic is that the child may feel depressed and lonely and cultivate a negative nature. For instance, the punishment might be too harsh for the child that he/she would not be able to accept it mentally. This results in severe mental breakdown to a point where it would induce a sense of fear in the child.
Secondly, the nature of parents or teachers towards the children must rewarding and appreciative for the actions of the child. This positive environment helps the child to understand the situations more effectively and might also recognise the depth of their actions. For example, the parent or teacher can softly make the child understand the consequences of their behaviour and cultivate a positive environment for the child. This kind and soft nature means a lot to the child and is the best method to alter their behaviour. Thirdly, physical punishments should be avoided at any circumstance as this would be the most devasting kind of punishment for the child. To this, I’d say that the physical punishments like hitting or bashing the child would induce an aggressive nature and cause emotional challenges. To illustrate this, the child might grow up in the sense of understanding that physical abuse is a normal thing and a got to thing to make things right and as desired. Discipline punishments, temporary depriving the child with privileges should be implemented instead.
To conclude, punishments should not be the best method to develop a sense of distinction among what is wrong and right. There are many different methods that can be implemented to make the children understand this basic difference. The punishments might be effective for that moment for a short span but would develop a negative behaviour in future.
- Task Achievement: 6
- Coherence And Cohesion: 5
- Lexical Resource: 6
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Feedback:
The essay presents a clear stance against using punishment to teach children right from wrong. However, it lacks depth in exploring alternative methods and the arguments are repetitive. The essay also struggles with coherence and flow, especially in the second paragraph. The introduction is too long and could be concisely stated.
Suggestions:
- Focus on developing a clear argument against punishment and provide concrete examples of alternative methods.
- Use more specific vocabulary and avoid repetition.
- Improve paragraph structure and transitions for better flow.
