IELTS Band 6 Essay | Advantage/Disadvantage | Society
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some pople say an ageing population creates problem for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Submitted on: Fri Oct 04 2024
It is commonly believed that human beings are now living longer than before. There are different opinions about this statement. On one hand, the community assumes that the older population will cause problems. However, the other assumes that it is beneficial if society has more elderly people, and I agree with the latter statement.
“The more elderly people, the more healthy the country is”. I remember this quote I found on the internet. According to the quote, we can conclude that if a country has more older people in the population, this may indicate the country has higher life expectancy and a well-functioning healthcare system. Furthermore, this condition also indicates how good the quality of nutrition, environment, and lifestyle, contributes to the overall health of the population.
Additionally, the plus point of having more elderly people in a community means more mentors for the young people. The older tend to be rich in experience and wiser to make a decision, hence the younger can acquire both hard skills and soft skills from them. This opportunity is beneficial not just for the community, but the young people as well, contributing to development in personal growth.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the statement which mentioned that “there are benefits if society has more elderly people”. There are some reasons to support this statement. But the most important reason to highlight this thing is to transfer knowledge from the wealthier side in experience to the side that lack of experience can be beneficial to the community.
- Task Achievement: 6
- Coherence And Cohesion: 5
- Lexical Resource: 6
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Feedback:
The essay presents a clear argument in favor of an aging population, but the structure is a bit repetitive. The introduction lacks a thesis statement directly addressing the question. While the ideas are relevant, they could be better connected and supported with more specific examples. Consider refining the essay by streamlining the introduction and incorporating more concise and targeted evidence to strengthen the argument.
