IELTS Band 4 Essay | Opinion | Education

WHAT IS ONE SITUATION IN PAST TWO YEARS THAT YOU THINK COULD HELP YOU DURING THE EXCHANGE YEAR

Submitted on: Thu Oct 24 2024

I belive that every situation in our lives happened for a reason and to teach us some lection in matter to prepare us to grow from the experience. If I need to stand out one situation for this example I am choosing my way through the world of volleyball in general. I am choosing this example because through it I am available to show how I got through the stage of being in a group filled with people I do not know, that would be a case if I go to USA, in the following text I will describe it to you my journery.

So when I first started with volleyball obviously I did not know anyone from my team. Although back then I was very young I had problem with coming up to people and being open to them, which I think is normal for a kid to be scared of being judged. As time passed I saw that I should not behave like that because it won’t bring me anywhere so I started to come up to people with some simple questions like how long does practice lasts and every next time I would be more opened up and add up more to topics. Normally I progressed and there was a few times when I changed teams due the fact that I needed to be with teammates that are on higher level. Every time I changed team I met with new people but case was different then when I first started. That is because in those teams everyone already knew eachother, however that didn’t stopped me. I learnd from experience that I need to show people my true self, that I am an extrovert type of person who likes being surrounded with people. That is exactly what I did, I acted like I belong there form the start I talked to every one of them and I got accepted very fast, and that was base for my further way.

I think that this situation can help me for an exchange program because this is something I will meet with, being around people I have never seen before, and I will need to find my way through it but I belive that I would not be problem because I already was in that case.

  • Task Achievement: 4
  • Coherence And Cohesion: 5
  • Lexical Resource: 5
  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

Feedback:

The essay attempts to address the topic but lacks focus and clear structure. The opening is too long and lacks a clear thesis statement. The essay overuses general statements and doesn't adequately connect the experience to the exchange year. The writing contains grammatical errors and needs proofreading.

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