IELTS Band 7 Essay | Agree/Disagree | Work
Unemployment remains the biggest challenge for school leavers. To what extent do you agree? What other challenges do young people face today?
Submitted on: Fri Nov 01 2024
In numerous countries, unemployment is frequently regarded as the primary challenge for school leavers. While I agree that unemployment is a critical issue, I believe there are other obstacles that can pose significant threats to young people's lives, such as the higher cost of living and mental health issues.
Unemployment remains a primary issue for many school leavers nowadays because of the market shift. The most compelling reason is the technological advances such as automation and artificial intelligence, which have reshaped many industries with their enhanced work efficiency and productivity. Such technologies may diminish the market's demand for blue-collar workers and subsequently necessitate more knowledge-based occupations, requiring specialized skills that high school graduates frequently lack. Therefore, these school leavers may find it challenging to keep up with the market demands and might be displaced if they are made redundant. This situation can pose detrimental threats to their financial stability by forcing them into less preferred jobs that provide little career advancement. As a result, many young workers may perpetuate their cycle of low career growth and earning potential, exacerbating their economic struggles.
However, unemployment is only one aspect of the problems faced by today's youth. The primary obstacle that can pose a threat to many young workers is increased living costs. To illustrate, the higher cost of living may place a heavy burden on many young workers by forcing them to make ends meet to avoid debt and maintain their lives. Such pressure may limit their ability to invest in achieving long-term goals, such as house ownership, to improve their quality of life, resulting in frustration and dissatisfaction. Furthermore, the constant pressure of stabilizing their living standards can add emotional strain to these young workers. These people may feel overwhelmed by this burden, leading to stress and a fear of failure, which can hinder their progress and overall well-being.
In conclusion, while unemployment is indeed a serious challenge for school leavers, it is equally important to acknowledge the issues of increased living costs and mental health problems. By addressing these factors, young people can be better prepared to enter the workforce with greater productivity and resilience.
- Task Achievement: 7
- Coherence And Cohesion: 6
- Lexical Resource: 7
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Feedback:
This essay demonstrates good understanding of the topic and provides relevant points about unemployment and other challenges. However, the structure could be improved. The argument in the second paragraph feels disjointed, and the conclusion could be more concise and impactful.
