IELTS Band 6 Essay | Discussion | Education
Many think that religion should be taught in the school while other think it shoulf be avoided discuss both view and give your opinion
Submitted on: Tue Oct 22 2024
Most of opine that religion ought to be taught in schools, whereas others think it must be prohibited. This essay will analyze both views. As far as I am concerned, I am in fav of latter notion.
To commence with the former view, the first and foremost point is to expand their knowledge. To explain this, if subjects like religion are taught in learning institutes, it helps students learn more about the culture and religious beliefs of religions they do not belong to. For example, a survey conducted by the Khalsa Aid Foundation in 2019 revealed that 40% of students desired to join the foundation as they learned about non-discrimination in religion at the school level. Therefore, teaching religion in schools would make learners more respectful of other religions.
Shifting towards the latter notion, the predominant one is immaturity. To elaborate this, some students at this age are not mentally prepared to form positive views on others' religious beliefs and tend to harbor negative thoughts, resulting in conflicts and other negative consequences among them. For instance, a headline published by Cable News Network (CNN) in 2022 showed that at a seminar in India, there was an issue created between students due to an argument on religious topics. Hence, schools should focus on other academic subjects to achieve good results and avoid subjects related to religion.
In conclusion, although teaching religion in academic institutes helps to enhance the knowledge of students about all religions, yet I believe that it sometimes leads to conflicts among students due to having different religious opinions.
- Task Achievement: 6
- Coherence And Cohesion: 5
- Lexical Resource: 6
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
Feedback:
The essay presents both sides of the argument but lacks depth and specific examples. The arguments are too general and the use of evidence, such as the survey and news headline, are not effectively integrated. The essay needs more specific analysis and justification for the opinion.