IELTS Band 6 Essay | Opinion | Culture
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Submitted on: Sun Nov 03 2024
Music is a form of art developed by our ancestors for various social and political reasons. It is as diversified as there are different kinds of people with lots of distinct genres. This essay will explore why we need music and what are some characteristics of it, as well as debate the importance of traditional music against international one in today’s world.
People started to produce music to express their thoughts, wishes and culture a long time ago. It was first served as way to unite groups around common features such as shared history and values. You could recognise your own people by the sound of the chants they sang by the fire and hear your enemies growl at the other end of the valley preparing for war. Slowly, music became increasingly cultural rather than a mean of unification and individuals began to love it for its artistic beauty. Everyone experiences it differently but since we all relied on the comfort and enjoyment it brings us, we wanted more of it. People from different origins and point of views created their own version, leading to the variety we know today. To this day, we are still searching for music for the same reasons it was invented for; feeling we belong and sentiments aroused by listening is why we need music.
Global influence during the last 2 centuries has also exposed us to international music. We were opened to new cultures and wanted to connect with the world, resulting in international music surpassing traditional ones in radio and TV. Although it does have the benefits of teaching us and bringing nations together, it also undermines the unique effect music used to have on our home communities. Today, we are more divided within our countries and it is due to the lack of unifying factors, including music.
In conclusion, our society depends on music for unity and we all appreciate it for how joyful it makes us feel. Traditional music has always brought groups of common people together and the rise of international influence may risk us falling apart.
- Task Achievement: 6
- Coherence And Cohesion: 5
- Lexical Resource: 6
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
Feedback:
The essay adequately addresses the task, exploring both the need for music and comparing traditional and international music. However, the structure is somewhat disjointed, with some paragraphs lacking clear focus and transitions. While the vocabulary is generally good, there are instances of repetitive phrases and awkward phrasing. Grammatical errors are present, especially in sentence structure and tense consistency.
