IELTS Band 5 Essay | Agree/Disagree | Finance
Question:it is important for everyone, including young people,to save money for their future. To want extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Submitted on: Sun Oct 13 2024
Money provides a safety net, shielding us from the uncertaincy of life . Whether Young or old , saving money is widely essential for both so that we can spend a quality time in our future.It is one of the major part of our life and i undoubtedly agree with this consideration
There are several reasons behind this phenomenon.Initially,when a people get old generally he would encounter with many kinds of deceases and those time he wouldn't able to earn money.Nowadays medical treatments are very expensive,if he don't have enough money for those situations would have to ask to family and it's uncertain also painful for the individual who have self respect.By contrast,if a person make a budget for future medical treatments will be comfortable for upcoming days.
Furthermore, another considerable reason is that , entertainment is crucial for our future life . working as a specific profession we don't have time to get a big trip with family or friends.Not only trip it can be fishing, reading, gardening which rely on the person who like what to do.In this period of globalization, nothing can imagine without money
Also , I want to point out that, Money is a reason of confidence for young people.whenever we have money we assume very confidential and fullfilment.Maney make us brave and productive person also people pay attention who have a great amount of savings fund. People think that the person is so careful about future life.Categorically speaking,we can creat a great-attraction towards us by saving money.
To sum up, money is not an option it is one of the best necessity which engage to our life internally and externally for both young and lod.
- Task Achievement: 5
- Coherence And Cohesion: 4
- Lexical Resource: 5
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4
Feedback:
The essay presents a clear argument for the importance of saving money, but it lacks depth and organization. The introduction is too simplistic, and the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and supporting details. The essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, limiting its clarity and fluency.
