IELTS Band 5 Essay | Advantage/Disadvantage | Society
Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Submitted on: Wed Oct 23 2024
Work is a crucial part of an individuals life both for their sustainability and their mental satisfaction but, often people face trouble with having a work life balance and being able to provide their families and friends with quality time. I personally think that there should be a work life balance to maintain a healthy relationship outside of work.
Work pressure and the drive of achieving a certain goal can be too overwhelming and in order to provide for the family and oneself becomes a priority in today's world. The concept of work life balance becomes unclear for majority and hence, they face a tough time in their personal life. Being ambitious is a great skill for an individual but by getting driven the ambition often people forget their other duties in a household. For instance, A mother who is working a full time job has to manage her work along with her kids and other household chores on the other hand, a father puts his full attention only towards his career and fails to spend quality time with his family which in the long run can hamper his relationship with the family. Staying close with friends and family can be a refreshing and a relaxing time for an individual to burn off some stress after work. A lot of jobs provides a weekend holiday for the individual to have a day or two off from work which can be an ideal time for the person to be with his loved ones. The true joy of life comes from spending time with our loved ones which can be taken as granted by people.
According to today's fast race world it becomes a necessity to take a pause. A true balance at life is the key to happiness and keeps an individual free from stress and anxiety.
Overall, here the disadvantage of it outweighs advantages and hence it becomes mandatory to lead a balance life wherein one should be able to manage their time both at work and in personal life.
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Task Achievement: 5
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Coherence And Cohesion: 5
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Lexical Resource: 6
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Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Feedback:
The essay presents some relevant arguments but lacks focus and clarity. The introduction is too long and the arguments aren't organized around a clear thesis statement. The conclusion is abrupt and doesn't effectively summarize the main points. The writing contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.